Daddy's Hands

I have written several times about my mom and how much I love her. But this post, is about someone else.


I remember when I was a little girl my mom would tell me that I would find a man to marry that was like my dad. I often thought to myself that it would not be possible, I couldnt see how anyone could compare. (Dave does but thats another story). You often hear girls reffering to their dad as their hero...mine was more than that. My dad always included me. I was never much into shopping when I was younger so when my sister and my mom would go, my dad would be right there to spend the day with me. And believe you me, I was a talker...yeah yeah I still am. But that poor man endured endless hours of questions and...observations of a 6 year old. I remember feeling very important when we ran errands together or when he let me "help" with his whatever he needed to do that day. I have never forgotten those afternoons, in so many ways they shaped who I have become as an adult. I have a picture of my dad and I when I was about 12 or 13. I was holding a piece of train track for him while he did something in our backyard layout. Everytime I see that picture I think of all of the time he spent showing me how to do things, how he insilled a confidence in me that had helped me immensly in my life.

My dad had always been my safe place. Nomatter what, my father always took care of me, he pushed me gently in the right direction but always let me make my own decisions. After my mom died I spent a lot of time with my dad while Dave was working at night. I dont know if I could have gotten through that time without him. I needed him more then than probably any other time in my life. And he was there. 

Thats the thing about my dad, he is always there.

The Real Story...Part One

It began somewhere just under 5 years ago. I had been "let go" (translate: dumped) by the guy I was "in love" with. Ha. Anyways, my ego was bruised and I was on the lookout for someone to, well, make me feel better about myself. (no matter how long ago...that still sounds awful) So anyways, somewhere around December of 2004 I began...well we could call it dating (but it wasn't) a guy that I barely knew (met through a friend)...who lived across the country. Yeahhh, great idea Shannon. But lets be honest, he was nice to me made me laugh, and in the whole 2 or so months that we talked we never saw each other. Which was really a very good thing because I honestly just was not attracted to this guy, like I said...he was nice to me. Around the time that I was realizing how ridiculous this whole thing was, I began working as a waitress at a local restaurant. I remember the day of my orientation (I watched a video), but I remember walking in to the restaurant, it was almost empty, and out walked one of the managers. At that moment I felt my breath catch in my throat and silently cursed myself for not changing out of my school uniform (read: v-neck sweater, plaid skirt and knee socks). I didn't know what was going on...this flutter that I felt...something entirely different than I had ever felt before.

Then he spoke. He so eloquently told me to "watch the video, let me know when you're done" ahhh yes, he really was the romantic type....
I kept promising myself that I wouldn't get too caught up in feelings for this guy. Though I had told the other guy that it was "over" (not even sure what was there to end), and I was single...I could NOT start dating someone. After all, I was leaving for college that fall and THIS guy, this guy that make my heart pound out of my chest...well...he was at least 8...9...10? years older than me..that was obvious. I was only 19 and was quite sure I didn't want to know how old this guy was, I was happier not knowing. Happy to lust after this older guy. Then it happened, we actually took the leap past innocent work hour flirting, to him asking me out after work. And so it began...


to be continued...

The Bucket List

PS-DAVE IS CLEAR!!!!!!! WAHOOO!


Just a fun list passed along from a friensd...
Put an X next to the things you have done at some point in your life. Feel free to copy and play along on your own blog!

(x) Shot a gun (Once or twice....or every other week...)
(x) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school.
(x) Watched someone die
( ) been to Canada
( ) Been to Alaska
( ) Been to Europe
( ) Been to Las Vegas
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been to Florida For 15 years!
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a cruise ship
( ) Served on a jury (I do listen to inmates whine all day...does that count?)
(x) Been lost
( ) Gone to Washington , DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
(x) Played cowboys/girls and Indians
(x) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t
(x) Made prank phone calls
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose.
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain (played)
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe-
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
(x) Gone snow skiing
(x) Camped out under the stars.
(x) Seen something so beautiful that it took your breath away?
(x) Are or have been Married?
( ) Children?
(x) Have/had a Pet? <--He IS my child!
(x) Been skinny dipping outdoors
(x) Been fishing
(x) Been boating
(x) Been water skiing (and by (BEEN water skiing, I mean I put the skiis on and got drug along behind the boat)
(x) Been hiking
(x) Been camping in a trailer/RV (are we talking wilderness or at our family farm? Whatev, it counts)
(x) Flown in a small 4 seater airplane
( ) Flown in a glider
( ) Been flying in a hot air balloon –
( ) Been bungee-jumping or sky-diving (SOON I hope!!)
(x) Gone to a drive-in movie
( ) Done something that should have killed you <--How about done something that should have made my parents kill me?

Just breathe.

Some days really take it out of you. Nothing big really happened...just a mentally long day. So many thoughts recently...

May....Well the month of May has not proven to bring me much happiness...in fact, twice it has devastated my life. May 21, 2oo6 my Mom passed away, and May 15, 2009 my husband was diagnosed with Cancer. Today, I thought a lot about how those days have impacted my life. How every time I watch Dave walk out the door...I pray that I will have him with me for many years to come. This Thursday we meet with the Oncologist to go over test results to see if Dave is still cancer free, I am praying and praying!! While I do feel as though Dave and I have had a pretty optimistic attitude about things thus far, I also think it is okay that I have a good deal of anxiety over the upcoming appointment. Maybe these 4 month appointments will get easier with time...maybe not. In some ways I think that someone who loses a parent is jaded in a way. I try daily to see the best and tell others that "I am sure everything will be fine" and sometimes I believe it...and sometimes I say it because I feel as though if I tell people that I am scared and fear the future...that I would be giving in. That I would be letting Cancer win. So though I may shed more than a few tears at night by myself...and I may be completely paralyzed with fear from time to time...I will always tell people that we are okay, and we are sure everything is fine. Because that is how I cope, I refuse to give in, I refuse to let Cancer win. Today we are living, today we are well, today we are fine.

One year.

Today I have been married for one year, and I could not be happier with my life! I remember my wedding like it was yesterday, however so much has happened in this past year that it also seems like a lifetime ago. This year we have had career changes, school changes, cancer, sadness, future plans, love, happiness and lots and lots of laughter (and eating....lots of eating). We have again reaffirmed that we will stand by each other no matter what happens...and we will get through it.

I love my husband more today than yesterday and I am sure I will love him more tomorrow than today. This week we are spending a few days at the Sybaris to relax, unwind and just enjoy each other for a while. I will for sure post pictures of our trip when we get back at the end of the week, until then...adios!!

Explaining myself.

I have to start by saying I thank God every single day for my sister. Obviously I have always loved her (my parents told me I had to...KIDDING!!!) But over the last few years, Linds has truly become my very best friend. Sometimes I feel like she is the only person that I don't have to explain myself to...and I cannot begin to explain how thankful I am for that feeling.

Dave and I are trying to conceive. There ya go universe, it's out there, though I may have hinted to it before, now I am saying it. Different people have different goals, or needs in their life, so when someone says "I don't want kids until I am 35, or I don't want kids at all I would rather have a high powered career and focus on that", I don't judge them, that is their decision and I have to assume that they feel that their choices are right for them. So here I am, almost 24 and Dave almost 27, married for a year (this coming Sunday) and we are ready for a child. And I should not have to explain myself...but I will anyways.

A little over 3 years ago I lost my mom to Cancer. Just under 4 months ago my 26 year old husband was diagnosed with Testicular Cancer. NOTHING is guaranteed in life. LIFE is not a guarantee. We were slapped in the face with that reality and I am not interested in waiting around to see whats next. I refuse to wait just because other people think I should be older, or I should finish school, or we should jump through whatever hoop they feel would make us "ready". We weren't "ready" for Dave's diagnosis, we weren't "ready" when my mom passed away, were weren't "ready" when my dad fell out of a tree (a story that deserves it's very own blog entry)...for this, I am ready. In a couple weeks we go to the doctor to have tests run, where they will hopefully tell us Dave is cancer free and we will go on our merry little way, or they could tell us that the cancer is back and now we need to fight. If it is, then we will deal with it, beat it and move on. But the effects of treatment are unknown, Dave may become sterile, or he may just not be able to produce enough due to chemo...we just don't know.

So for today, we are trying to have a baby. Today we are clinging to each other and knowing that tomorrow holds no promises. TODAY, we are content..no, happy.

Fun with groceries :)

Today I went grocery shopping...and spent $90...and got enough meat, snacks, drinks, and side dish ingredients to feed us for about 2 weeks. Yippee on my wallet! Dave and I usually like to cook at home but it seems like the last couple weeks we have been in a bit of a rut and we have been eating out WAY too much, not only spending extra money needlessly, but putting way too much fast food in our bodies. Anyways, today I bought all sorts of yummy stuff to cook this week and I feel so much better just knowing we will be eating a roast tonight and not something that begs the question, "do you want fries with that?".

Not too much else new around here, Nicole will be here in less than 2 weeks! Tomorrow we are having a cookout back at the pond with the fam, Linda and Tanya are coming along with Tanya's babies...so of course I cant wait :) Anything involving babies and I am in! Will try to usdate with some pictures of the cookout tomorrow!

Memories pressed between the pages in my mind...

Tonight I am watching home videos, crying and laughing as I again realize how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family, and facing the reality of how much was lost when my mom passed away.

Everyday I hear about children being mistreated, abused, called names, resented for intruding on their "parents" lives. Our parents never took Lindsay and I for granted, everything they did was for us. I have known this for a long time, but everytime I pop in a home video, I am reminded of how lucky Lindsay and I are. When we were very young Dad worked and went to school, and still found time to be with us and love us deeply, and my mom went without so that her children could have everything we needed, spent hours videotaping us do everyday mundane things, but I get it, they didn't want to forget the little things. We were never hurt in any way by our parents, physically, emotionally or mentally. And each day, our parents taught us a little more about being good people, caring for others and living life.

My poor sister really seemed to get thr brunt of it as a child (wink wink) I have heard at least 4 times on this tape, "Lindsay PLEASE get your sister" as I was trying to thwart my dad's attempts to study, but Lindsay was busy doing a "commercial" for the camera...very advanced that one was. It becomes obvious that my sister was my idol, she had a pretty amazing fashion sense (second only with Napoleon Dynomite's love interest), and was alltogether very advanced, writing books (which she describes as "happy, then sad, but then happy"), her dancing and singing skills were way beyond her years, and really just being an all around trend setter.

Watching these video's are however bittersweet. I see my mom and sometimes I can close my eyes and when I hear her voice, it is as if she was sitting right here next to me (power of surround sound I suppose). I miss her everyday...every minute. I do however think I have begun how to truly understand the meaning of "tis better to have loved and lost...", because while losing my mom has been the most painful thing of my life, we are all better because of her. My mom and dad together gave my sister and I a childhood that could not have been better (minus the sundae incident linds), we are both so very lucky and still so loved. I can only pray that Dave and I give our children the lives that we have been blessed with by our parents.

Fear, Happiness and a disappearing act...

Where did I go?! Well I have spent the last few weeks praying, crying, laughing...and thinking. So here is the short (and a little long) of it....

On the Tuesday after surgery Dave and I met with Dr. D and he went through the diagnosis and treatment plan. Dave had a Pure Seminoma (which is the better kind) that was in Stage one with no metastasis anywhere else in his body, and his tumor markers (which are seen through blood work) were quite low. All of the above are incredible blessings and we could not be more thankful. The plan, as Dr. D saw it was to do 18-24 treatments of radiation, which would leave Dave with a 97% chance of the cancer never reoccurring. He sounded so sure of himself that it made us feel as though that was the only option, and that was what we needed to do. While Dr. D has been a major blessing in this ride...I was beginning to feel that maybe we needed to go one step further. Dr. D is a Urologist, although a very very good one, we were dealing with Cancer and we decided we needed to speak with an Oncologist. So we decided to see the best, we made and appointment with Dr. E....the very doctor who treated Lance Armstrong for testicular cancer.

Fast forward to this past Tuesday (what is with us and Tuesday's?!) We headed down to Indianapolis to meet with Dr. E and get his take on this whole mess. As we walked towards the "Cancer Pavillion" I could feel those fears welling up inside. I could feel things that I have never really dealt with about my mom coming to the surface...but this was not the moment for that to come out, so I smiled and took my husbands hand and we headed inside. Meeting with Dr. E was by far the best experience through this whole beautiful mess. He was easy to talk to and explained our options very clearly and spoke gently to a young couple faced with a big decision. And after much discussion and consideration we decided to take Dr. E's personal recommendation and opt out of radiation and go with a maintenance plan instead. This decision has brought me quite a bit of peace as I am NOT a fan of preventative radiation. So we left the hospital that day feeling a sense of relief and calm.

After leaving the hospital we headed to our hotel in downtown Indy and decided to treat the rest of the day and night as a vacation...and we had a blast! Just spending time with my husband away from all of the everyday stresses of life was exactly what I needed...and I know this trip is what he needed also. My only regret is that we didn't have the chance to stay a couple more nights!

Here are a few pictures from our trip...

The views from the hotel roof...

A couple of the fountain area at night...

And a pretty perfect end to a great night....

Tuesday came.

As much as I was dreading it, and anxiously awaiting it's arrival...Tuesday came. We arrived at the hospital bright and early for some testing, CT scan followed by a chest x-ray and some blood work. Dave drank the barium in what the nurse thought was record time! (He insisted that was the only way to do it, his words: "it's not like a nice cocktail that I am going to sip") after that we had a couple hours to kill (during which time we went to a pawn shop and scored Guitar Hero 3 for our PS3 for $10!) Then it was back to the hospital for surgery...a radical right orchiectomy. Dave made SURE they knew it was the right side, his right, I found that pretty humorus especially being that one was about 3x the size of the other...

We hung out in pre op for an hour or so, then before we knew it, the nurse came with the loopy drugs (for him not me....although Lord knows I could have used some at that point!) And he was taken back into surgery, after some phonecalls to family I plopped down in the waiting room with a diet coke, watching Everybody Loves Raymond on a giant LG Flat screen tv with the WORST cable I have ever seen, not that it mattered much at that point...I was mostly just staring at the clock anyways. But at 4:26PM (surgery was started about 5 till 4) Dr. D came breezing out the doors and told me everything went smoothly they were all done and he would need to see Dave and I next tuesday to go over the pathology results and decide on a gameplan. I had to waiti about 45 minutes until Dave was in "Phase 2" recovery, when I walked back he was sitting up, eating some cracker, smiling and ready to get the heck home! We were gone by about 5:45, and home by 6:30.


Recovery has been a little rougher than I expected, mostly with a great deal of fatigue and pain in his incision. Work for him has been difficult being that he is on his feet the whole time, and slowing him down has been no small task!

So here we are...another monday night, awaiting another tuesday, if it is possible I have a bit more fear about tomorrow than I did last week. Last tuesday was procedures and scans...tomorrow brings answers and reality and uncertainty.... sometimes I think that if ignorance is bliss than I would be happy to be a fool...

The post I never imagined....

My husband has cancer. I cannot believe I just typed that. He was diagnosed with testicular cancer on Friday May 15(sort of), I just haven't had the strength (or courage?) to blog about it yet. Sooo here we go...

He has had a mass on his right testicle for a while now, just a little to busy and a little too stubborn to go to the doctor. Well two weeks ago, he wasn't feeling well, sort of like the flu but mostly his compliant was "just not feeling right". Working a job that requires very long hours and 6 day work weeks...he needs to be at his best, so he decided to go to the doctor. What happened then is sort of a blur. Dave called me after his appointment to tell me he was heading to the Hospital for a testicular ultrasound, so I headed over to be there with him (even though he swore he was fine and I should stay home...yeah right!) After the ultrasound, we had an appointment made for us for a urologist about an hour later. After meeting with him we were even more confused than we were before we spoke with him. To say the least, he was a very poor doctor who did not have any answers and seemed to keep skirting around the truth. I was sitting in the office fighting myself, because I wanted to scream at him to stop dancing around questions and what do we do next?! He scheduled bloodwork for that day and surgery for Tuesday May 26th ...over a week later. At which time he said he was going to biopsy THEN remove the testicle, this made no sense, especially because about 3 minutes on the Mayo Clinic website will tell you that is NOT what you want to do. That was when we decided it was time for a second opinion...

Enter Dr. D, our own personal angel (okay I am getting carried away, but he really is great) We had an appointment with him on Friday May 22 and he examined Dave for somewhere around 5 seconds and without seeing the test results that I brought he told us that there was no doubt in his mind that the mass was a tumor. (which we pretty much knew but it was so nice to finally have someone affirm this without avoiding our questions) He immediately scheduled surgery (for the 26th because monday was a holiday) he was shocked that the first doctor was willing to wait so long for surgery and that no tests had been run. So after a whirlwind of scheduling and phonecalls...tuesday came...

To be continued....

Calling all angels...

Cancer. So not ready to hear that word again....How do we do this? Dear God...please...PLEASE don't take him from me...


"Calling all angels...walk me through this one, don't leave me alone, Calling all angels...Calling all angels, we're trying, we're hoping....but we're not sure how..."

What is perfect anyways?

Dave and I have been married for something to the tune of 8 months, and we have been together for just over 4 years. Obviously I am not anywhere near far enough into my marriage to give my advice or opinions, but...I do anyways...

It seems that lately there have been lots of relationship troubles all around me. Anything from constant bickering to money problems to really immature behavior. At first I found myself wondering when this will happen to Dave and I, when will we be tested, when will we have to fight for each other. Then I realized...that is exactly it, we fight FOR each other instead of with each other. We are tested daily as a couple, with long work hours, demanding jobs, a bad economy,and numerous other issues. If we did not fight for each other we would have lost each other a long time ago. When we disagree we say it right then, we tell each other if we are angry...and we get over it. My sister and I often talk about these things, she has a wonderful marriage and we really never talk about "what's wrong" buth rather, how we habdle things in our marriage's. We both feel strongly about not holding on to anger, and to not bring up past issues during an argument, don't hold grudges against the one you love!

Anyways, everything I am thinking can be summed up pretty easily...go, hold on to the one you love and fight FOR each other.

I see!

Please welcome the newest addition to my life...

Yes folks thats right...I now wear glasses...yippee. BUT hopefully they will help my headaches (like the massive migrane I had all day) and keep me from straining my eyes. I know the pic is black and white...but it was all I had on my computer, so just imagine them in blue....

Uncharacteristic.

I am generally a "puppies and rainbows" kind of girl. While I have a good grip on reality, I also like to be postive and focus on the good. That said, I usually do not get excited about things until it is pretty much a sure thing thus limiting my chances for dissapointment. I do not focus on the negative, I just try to iove my day to day and get excited (REALLY excited) when it is called for.

This month I thought I was pregnant. REALLY, thought I was pregnant, I was 8 days late and while I was pretty scared at the thought of being pregnant right now...I quickly became very excited at the prospect of it. I found my mind wandering off to nurseries and onesies...I was pricing out cloth diapers and breast pumps. And I hadn't even taken a test. Then I did, and I was SURE it would be positive, I was almost confused when it was negative. Then, just like that I started and my dreams of pacifiers and cribs were replaced with Tampax and a headache. I am quite sure that my husband was relieved as we were not trying quite yet, however I was inexplicably dissapointed. I felt like I had lost something, even though it was something I never had!


This has made me think quite a bit about the many women who suffer from infertility...to want something so bad, and month after month feel so dissapointed...I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that is.

So...I am not pregnant...just bloated. Fun.

Not me.

I love my life, my husband, my family, my pup....all of it. But I also absolutely love thoughts of the future. Of growing a big round belly while I grow our baby, thoughts of painting a nursery...bring a baby home. I smile when I think of Dave and I raising our children, being frustrated by their own little attitudes, and watching them grow. I look forward to family vacations and roadtrips, camping and disney. Some people dream of a hiugh power career, or traveling the world. Not me. I dream of being a mom, of changing diapers and making my own babyfood, of cloth diapering and babywearing! Someday, when the time is right, God willing my dreams will come true.

Get OVER it!

So I would love to think that I am NOT one of those people who wants everything name brand, and only likes the best of everything, not giving anything else a chance. I love to buy cute clothes, but I love it more when they are on sale! I love to cook, but I SO shop all wholesale and farmers markets and whatnot. And I am always very happy with what I have. Then I decide to be foolish about something....a vacuum. I wanted a Dyson Animal soooo bad. I used to spend forever searching Internet sites to try and find one on sale. Then my old vac finally bit the dust...so it was time for a new one. We trudged off to Target and as I gazed longingly at the Dyson in all its purple and silver glory, I chose the Bissell, and off we went. When I got home I was still somewhat disappointed about this, then I put it together and used my new piece of equipment. And truth be told? I love it. It did a great job, it is easy to clean (bagless) and for now, for this time in our lives it was the perfect choice.


But it did have me thinking, how could I be so obsessed with this almost $600 vacuum...when there are WAY more important things happening all around me! So with that I learned that I need to GET OVER IT and show some love to my bissell!!! :):)

Dresses and flip flops...

It must be spring, because thats what I have been wearing! I am loving forever 21 and old navy lately...very cute stuff for very little deniro!


Dave and I have been keeping busy, but a good busy, we are both loving life right now! We are both looking forward to our fav restaurant opening in a couple weeks, Bridge's is an outdoor restaurant right on the water with good drinks, great food, and an awesome atmosphere, definitely go check it out if you find yourself in Michigan City! (I dont know why anyone would "find" themselves in Michigan City...) But if you do, look around and you may see Dave and I sipping margaritas and snacking on Humus! MMMM! :)



TWO MORE WEEKS...until something I can't talk about on here. :) Soon. Soon I can tell you. :)

Broken.

My heart is heavy on this day that used to be so happy. I was 20 when my mom died. I felt completely cheated, that was almost 3 years ago...and I still feel that way. I thank God for the time that we all had with here...however I am so painfully angry that we didn't have longer. Life was supposed to different. My wedding was supposed to be the most exciting time thus far in my life, she should have been there when I get my engagement ring from Dave, she should have been there to pick out my wedding dress with me...to tell me "now honey, THAT looks beautiful", she should have been with me when I picked out the cake and she should have been there to do my hair the day of the wedding. My mom should have been there when Linds had a question about what to do next...or when she built her beautiful house. She should be there when we have our babies, when we decorate nurseries....she should be there when we have a question about our crying babies at 3 am. She should be HERE.





But she isnt. She is gone. I found that beautiful dress with my wonderful Aunt, I walked down the aisle without her standing there. Lindsay built her house and asked her questions with my amateur advice. We will have children and tell stories and let them watch videos of their Grama, we will go on with our our lives, and we will always wonder what could have been. My heart is breaking today on what would have been her 53rd birthday...



I hurt for my dad who lost the love of his life, his companion of almost 30 years. I hurt for my Aunt who lost her twin, her other half. I hurt for my sister who is so far away from us and needs mom. I hurt for everyone who met her, knew her and lost her. I hurt for myself, for the memories that were yet to be made, for the advice I wont get, I hurt for the part of me that I lost when mom left this world...



Happy Birthday mom...I love you deeply and completely, I miss you with my whole heart.

WOO HOO!!!

Yep, thats how I feel today! (such a dork). But really, since I have started these spinning classs (I attended THREE this week) I feel like a different person, obviously my body has not changed much but I feel so much better! I have more energy, I feel stronger, and I am just generally happier! Infact here is a picture of me:

Yeah right! Maybe someday....but right now, I feel more like this:

I am sorry but this was just too funny!!! Anyways, the workouts will continue and hopefully I will start seeing changes!

Ready to go!!

Not a whole lot to update, I am going to the gym tonight, but I don't have class....YEAH!!! Anyways, today seems to be hurrying by which is a good thing, I am contemplating what I will make for dinner. I am thinking I will try to convince Dave that he wants pasta...mostly because I want to try the new sauce that he bought. Later this week I plan to make Gorgonzola stuffed meatballs...yeah it's a Rachel Ray recipe!

So today is a good day! My wonderful husband bought me some goodies, a pink Adidas gym bag...

And a new water bottle...

And most importantly THIS, to save me from painful butt bruising :)

YAY!!! I am ready for spin class....yeah I am a nerd...so what?

That was fun.

Notice the sarcasm...

I went to my very first spin class tonight! It was.....painful. I got probably the best workout I have had in years, but man it will take some getting used to! I felt completely exhausted and I think every muscle in my body was quivering when I was done, but really, I felt good! I think I worked muscles that I didn't even know I had!! When I got into the class everyone was pulling out these little gel seats and I was thinking *why do they need those...these seats look okay.* WRONG answer, by about minute 4 I was pretty sure my rear was literally going to just break. Sooo I will be hauling my sore butt to Walmart tomorrow and purchasing what I like to refer to as an "ass aid".


Not much else to report, I am sitting here watching Dave and his brother Daniel play hockey (video game...not real life) *SO exciting...* :) I kid because I love!!

Yum-o!

That was my Rachel Ray impression..good no? Anyways, I made a cake for Dave last night and it looked too good to not take a picture soooo...

Sorry the quality is so bad...thats what I get for using my camera phone! Anyways, its a double layer choc-choc cake with toasted coconut on top! Dave seemed to like it so...success!!

Dad left for Austin this morning on the Amtrak train, I am glad he is going to get away for a few days. After Melv died...well, I just think it was hardest on him. I often wonder how he is really doing with everything, I mean, he always seems so incredibly strong, but I see the hurt in his eyes...we have lost a lot in these last couple years. And he went from having his wife, one of his daughters, and his dog, in one house....to just him, in about 3 years. Thats a lot. Anyways, he is a really amazing man and I hope he finds...whatever his heart is looking for.

New look...new changes!

So I have decided to change this blog....and my life, hopefully a lot! I have made a few decisions over the past couple weeks, so here is where I am at:



1- I am overweight...not like "oh a little chub never hurt anyone", but "hey none of my clothes fit" kind of thing. SO, I am making some life changes, I am already a member at the Y...I am quite embarrassed that I have not been there in longer than I would like to admit. So I need to get my butt in gear! I am looking in to taking some spin classes (starting thursday!) and taking my puppy for a run (lets be honest there will be more walking than running I am sure!) I am thinking I will go back on Slim Fast as it has worked for me in the past...I dont get slim fast (as in quickly) but hopefully it will help the process!

2-My clothes...are pathetic. I am going to use this weekend to comepletely clean out my closet and finally throw away all of those clothes that I never wear, and the clothes that I still have from...middle school. Yeah, no joke. I plan to slowly buy clothes that I like as I begin to lose the weight that I don't like!

3- My hair, I have pretty hair, and it looks great...when I take the time to do it! And that is not often enough so I have decided that I need to get a new style (maybe lose a little length and add some layers) so that I will be a little more motivated to actually put some time into making it look decent!

Okay, that is enough for now, I will update you soon as to where I am at!

Oh me oh my....

How busy we are! Everyday has been so busy lately, my lovely cousin and I pretty much are married to each other as much time as we spend together in class :) (um..sorry honey, still love you!) Part of me was worried about how Dave and I would handle being away from each other so much....but we seem to be doing really well, we enjoy what time we have together and I still really look forward to my phone ringing when he is on his way home.

School is really good...lol I almost believed that...school is school, lets be honest.

My poor husband is at the Dentist right now having a tooth extracted...thats how they put it on the phone, can't they just say pulled? Hopefully he will be feeling a lot better once it is out. (And hopefully some pain killers will help...)

But besides work and school, not to much new goin on. Just trying to keep up with life!