Um...hi?

Yeah....so obviously I fell off of the blogging wagon. Where shall I begin? I will start with July....

I went to my 33week appointment and had increased blood pressure, which was extremely strange for me, so the Doctor sent me over to L&D for some monitoring and lab work. Once hooked up to the monitors, my blood pressure soon dropped into normal range and the baby looked excellent, they were getting ready to let me go when the lab work came back reporting that my potassium levels were low. I asked the nurse what that meant and she told me to just "google it" when I got home...okayyyy. I was discharged with instructions to be on temporary bed rest, do a 24 hour urine collection and return the next afternoon for follow up lab work. Like a good little (obv that's a figurative term) pregnantt lady I did as I was told, returning the next day with my now full jugs, and completed another round of labs, I asked if I should stay but was told "Nah! Head home, just call your doctor Monday!". Pshhh. I wasn't home ten minutes and I got a call from the doctor saying I needed to head BACK to the hospital for a bag of potassium (K rider). Let me just tell you, if you EVER need potassium intravenously ask them to mix Lidocane in the bag because that stuff burns SO  badly. I finally left the hospital around 2am Sunday morning and was told to stay on bed rest and see my doctor Monday. I was diagnosed with Pre-E and told that we would likely be delivering at 37 weeks....whaaaat?! That was a short 3 weeks away! I will spare you the specifics, but I spent almost every other day in the hospital on the L&D floor receiving K riders and having my blood pressure and labs monitored. The last week of my pregnancy was hell, I was incredibly swollen, I was itchy all over my body due to increased liver enzymes, my blood pressure was still high despite the maximum dose of pregnancy safe blood pressure medication. On the bright side, I got to know the nursing staff at my hospital very well and developed a great repor with them (which I didn't realize how useful that would be during labor!).

On Thursday August 5th I went to the doctor trying to hold back tears of pure exhaustion. When the nurse took my blood pressure her eyes almost popped out of her head... 115/167...uh oh. The doctor came in and talked with me about my labs that had declined dramatically, did a cervical check (OUCH!...it's never good when the doctor says, "Man, your where is your cervix?! China?! Your throat?!") and told me that "Today is the day!". I was excited....and terrified. I was 36 weeks 3 days, and I couldn't help but wonder if everything would be okay. I think my biggest fear was that the hospital I was delivering had a nursery but no NICU, so if anything was wrong they would med flight him to a larger hospital about 40 minutes away. Nervous as I was, I calmly called my husband and told him to meet me at home, it was time to go to the hospital! We grabbed our bags and stopped for a sandwich before heading in (good choice), and I was greeted at the door to the floor by a nurse that I had gotten to know, telling me she already had my room set up...and she gave me the best room on the floor!

The Induction begins....
At 12:00pm the nurse got my IV started, which was easier said than done due to the fact that my veins were pathetic from the high blood pressure. Cytotec was placed and I was told not to expect anything for the next several hours, just to rest up. Leave it to me to be difficult...I began contracting immediately, one right after another with no break between. The contractions weren't unbearable, just exhausting as they went on for hours with out so much as a 30 second break between them, but at least I would start dilating quickly right? Wrong. The Cytotec lasted 4 hours...except they gave me 3 more doses. Hello 4am, no sleep, and I was dilated a finger tip...less than 1 cm. Perfect. The doctor explained that my uterus wasn't contracting in  a nice even pattern but rather was having crazy spasms. They decided to give me a 30 minute break (Thank you Lord!) and then began the Pitocin. At first the Pit was almost better than the Cytotec, I was having much stronger contractions however there was a 2-3 minute break between them so I could at least collect myself and be ready for the next one. My husband was fantastic at helping me breathe through each contraction. I had fully planned on using the Bradley Method and not using pain meds, however because of the pitocin and high blood pressure I had to remain on the monitors and in bed. NOT ideal. I was so tired at this point I accepted Stadol (IV drug) around 2 pm. This did nothing but make me feel like I had too much to drink. Around 4pm my blood pressure began to rise and the doctor asked that I go ahead with the epidural to help reduce my blood pressure, at that point I was just fine with that decision. The first epidural was administered, and the anesthesiologist did a wonderful job. They laid me flat and I felt amazing...for about 45 minutes. The pain came back despite rolling me from one side to the other, so the Dr was called back in to see what was going on. He gave me two boluses to no avail, so he inspected the epidural site and discovered that it must have slipped out of place. Another epidural was preformed, again with no problems, and I had pain relief for about an hour. At that time the pain came back so strong it was hard to breathe. The nurse checked me around 8pm and I was at 8.5cm, woo hoo!! I had a pretty full room, my dad, his girlfriend (I hate that term, she is my sons GiGi), my aunt, my cousin and my husband, oh and my sister was on skype the whole time! That is obviously way too many people as I was allowed 3 maximum, but that's where knowing the nurses came in mighty handy! I decided I could get through the pain and just keep going. Around 11pm I was at 8 cm...that's right...less! The pain was completely out of control and it was then we realized the baby was stuck. It was C-section time, and I have to say, I was ready to beg for it if they hadn't offered it. Everything moved very quickly my husband was brought in and my family actually got to watch through a window, they were unable to numb me (epidural still wasn't working properly...obviously), so I was given a drug that made me so out of it I probably couldn't have told you my name, but despite all of that....

At 11:33 pm....

After 35 hours of labor....

Our son was born! Jackson Eric Hageman....6lbs 5.5oz and 18.75 inches!

Obviously that is just the beginning of the story...but I will have to post more tomorrow!

Big and Stretchy.

That about sums up how I am feeling. Little man must be growing because I definitely feel the skin on my stomach pulling...I feel like I am going to burst sometimes! But all is well around here, my shower is in two weeks and more importantly, my sister comes up here in two weeks!! I may have to wear a "Hello my name is" sticker to the airport seeing as though I have this giant beach ball under my shirt!

Hard to believe I am almost 29 weeks along...only 11 weeks to go! I am getting really excited for him to be here, but also really anxious to get the nursery put together and to just feel "ready". Then again who am I kidding? Will we ever feel "ready" ? Probably not.

"You're Crazy!"

Well at least that seems to be the resounding cry that I get whenever I answer questions about the fact that we plan to cloth diaper, labor naturally (fingers crossed) and make baby food. I guess I don't get it, maybe don't ask if you don't want my answer? I am not walking around proclaiming these plans, but when someone asks me about it, I am certainly not going to lie to make you more comfortable! I would never say "our way is better" heck, I am not even a mom yet! We are just making plans for what we are most comfortable with and what we think will work in our lives. A blog I read ALL the time is making the switch to Cloth and of course is having plenty of people tell her she is crazy, so I guess it inspired me to talk about this subject as well. ANYWAYS! About that cloth diaper thing, can I even just tell you HOW excited I am to be doing this? I LOVE them, and I think many have a serious misconception of what a cloth diaper even is or how it works (the new ones). We are not talking about difficult folding and giant pins getting precariously close to a wriggly baby, it is just some snaps or a couple pieces of hefty Velcro. Look:

(photo from the weewilliewinks.com website)

And...

Normal looking right? See I told ya! Anyways, I am lucky to have a husband who is on board, and my father-in-law will be watching Jax during the day when we are at work and has agreed to do these as well. I cannot wait until my little fluff butt is here!

Bad I know!

I am a terrible blogger, lets just get that out there. Ok? We good now? Ok. I found this on someone else's blog and thought it was fun...kind of high school with a giant pregnant belly twist ;)

Name: Shannon


Age:: 24

Birthday:: December 6th

Birth Place:: Naperville, IL

Height:: 5’3...ish



FIRSTS:

Is this your first pregnancy?: Yes.

How did you find out you were pregnant?: Home pregnancy test...before I missed my cyle...because I am impatient.

What kind of pregnancy test did you take?: First Response..... times 3....

How many?: See above.

What were your first symptoms?: I actually thought I wasn't...just took it on a whim! (or a hope and a prayer!)

Who did you tell first?: Dave

Who was with you when you found out?: Just me

Was baby planned?: Yes!

When was baby conceived?: Um, thats awkward. My Dad reads this.

How far were you when you found out?: Right at 4 weeks.


My BABY:



Due date:: August 27th

Do you want to know the sex?: I know!

Do you know the sex?: Yes!

If so, boy or girl?:. Boy!

Any names?: Jackson Eric

Any ultrasounds?: 3.

Have you heard the heartbeat?: Yes.

Baby ethnicity?: Caucasian.

Who do you think baby will look like?: No idea, I am most interested to see his hair and eye color, Dave and I are both Brown/Brown but when Dave was a baby he had Blond hair, so we shall see!

Will baby have any siblings?: Yes...several....like 8. (ok ok maybe 3)

Have you and dad felt baby move?: Yes and yes. This baby is a MOVER! And I love every minute of it! I think sometimes it's easy to start to complain about how active he is and how he keeps me up at night...but I love it, I love to watch my belly move and feel him flipping around.



MISCELLANEOUS:

Did you have morning sickness?: YES!!! I was sick for a long time. Yuck. But it's over now!

Did you have any cravings?: Yes, nothing really strange other than honey mustard for a while. Other than that, I have craved fruit since the beginning!

Did you have any mood swings?: I can cry at the drop of a hat...and a bit irrational. But at least I accept it...right?
Are you a high risk pregnancy?: No, and I pray that does not change.

Any complications?: Just swelling! I had a bit of high blood pressure a few weeks back, but that seems to have evened out and I am doing great now!

Formula or breastfeeding?: Breastfeeding

Have you bought anything for baby yet?: Yes, we still need a few big things and a TON of little things though! It’s overwhelming- I try not to think about it.

When did you start to show?: I swear my stomach ballooned the second the test was positive! Just bloat though I suppose, I dont know probably around 17-18 weeks my stomach started rounding out.

How long could you wear your regular clothes?: I could not fit into my regular jeans at eight weeks. Most likely due to water retention, at least thats my story.

Are you excited?: Yes!!!

Who will help with baby after their born?: Dave...and I am sure eveyone else in our families!

What is your favorite thing about being pregnant?: Feeling him move and having Dave feel it too.

What is the worst thing about being pregnant?: That it suddently became ok to tell a woman "wow you are huge!" I really would like to say... "wow you too!"

What one thing do you miss doing since being pregnant? Margaritas.

Any days you wish you weren’t pregnant?: Not even for a second.

Are you ready for baby?: Is anyone ever really ready? **ask me again at 41 weeks when I am ready to preform my own C-section**

Do you have insurance?: Yes

How many kids do you want?: Several. AKA as many as we can afford.

Do you talk to your baby?: All the time. I read to him too.

Do you still feel attractive?: Yes...most days!

Have you had your baby shower yet?: Not yet...but soon!!!

Do you like kids?: LOVE them.

How far along are you now?: 27 weeks and 1 day!

One last thing on Infertility Week...

National Infertility Awareness Week

Disclaimer: This post will be rather blunt and not so "puppies and rainbows". Feel free to skip on to a different one.


Infertility. What a nasty bitch. I don't know how else to put it. I think many have no idea how prevalent infertility is in our society...I know I didn't. And then I saw it affect someone I love, I have watched her handle it with grace and optimisim. But nomatter how you hash it, infertility sucks. It takes away a lot from a person, from a couple, from a marraige. We were lucky, my husband and I were able to get pregnant after a relatively short period of time. And through all of the sickness and aches and pains, the reality is, we are SO lucky. But why us? Why is it easy for us and not for someone who is just as deserving... I guess those are questions that can never be answered...at least not in this life.

I could fill you up with facts and numbers and try to explain everything that goes in to not just the treatments but the tests to even decide the course of treatment. But instead, I will tell you this, nomatter how many needles, biopsies, tests, surgeries...I am willing to say none of them match the pain of a negative pregnancy test month after month. So why do these women continue to go through all of this? Because in the end, if they are able to become parents, nomatter the method...none of it matters.

So start talking about it, talk about it until you are blue in the face. Tell anyone that will listen. The best thing we can do is to make people aware, because eventually awareness leads to cures.

Approaching 22 weeks...

And it feels like time is flying. I cannot believe I am more than halfway through my pregnancy, whenever I feel him kick I am reminded of just how soon he will be here. Around 2AM this morning I woke up to the beat of a little foot tapping away at my bladder. Thanks buddy! I am beginning to wonder when this little guy sleeps, he is active at night, he is active during the day....hmmmmm. Dave seems pretty pleased about this, whenever I mention how active Jackson is, Dave smiles and says "he is busy!". Either way, I certainly feel blessed, I am growing this little guy and he is letting Mommy know that he is getting bigger and stronger everyday!

Linds and I are planning the shower more every day, I cannot believe all the adorable ideas she has come up with, it is going to be so much fun!! Other than that, life has kept me fairly busy. Work is busy as usual, Dave's work is pretty busy as expected. But mostly we are just enjoying the last couple months of it being "just us" and excitedly awaiting our little man's arrival!

20 Weeks and.....

ITS A BOY!!!!!

We couldn't be more excited!! His name is Jackson Eric, middle name is the same as his daddy's!
And now...

This is a profile shot...really makes us laugh that they had to specify "Attempt" Little man was moving around SO much that the poor tech couldn't get a good shot no matter how hard she tried! That's our boy! (I had to crop these a bit to remove personal info...dont want to attract the attention of any internet crazies!)

A foot!

And our proof that Jackson is indeed a boy...imagine him sitting on the camera with his legs apart. (Upper right) I am not sure what The white part is....placenta I think.

And finally....

Me at 20 weeks and about 5 days :) (and no I do not have spots all over my shirt, I dont know why that popped up like that)

18 weeks...holy cow!

Okay, this week, I promise there will be a picture of the belly. PROMISE.

•How far along?: 18 weeks!

•How big is baby?: Around 6 inches....and a half pound! About the size of a large Mango!

•Maternity clothes?: Yep!

•Stretch marks?: Yes. And they are still angry looking. And yes I use cream, but the stretch marks laugh at my cream I think.

•Sleep?: Eh! Some nights I get a really great night of sleep and others I think I am up at least 10 times!

•Best moment this week?: My doctors appointment last friday hearing that beautiful lub-dub on the doppler!

•Movement?: Still flutters and what I call "whooshes" Still waiting for that big kick!

•Food cravings?: No real cravings to speak of, just hungry All. The. Time.


•Labor signs?: Nope!

•Belly button in or out?: Innie. However it seems as though it is getting more and more shallow...hmmmm


•What I miss: Being able to walk to the mailbox without feeling winded...for real.

•What I'm looking forward to: Finding out the sex a week from today!!!


•Milestone: I feel like our milestone this week is getting our birth plan firmed up. It feels good to have a better idea on what our plans are!

Boy or Girl?

Bad Blogger!

Ooops! I dissapeared! But now I am back and we are on to our weekly-ish quiz...


How far along?: 16 Weeks 1 day

•How big is baby?: Jelly is the size of an ONION! About 5 inches long and around  5oz...grow baby grow!

•Maternity clothes?: Yes...and I dont see that changing anytime soon.


•Stretch marks?: Blegh. Yes. Purple ones. Yippee.

•Sleep?: Welllll, I was sleeping much better, then I got this horrible cold/infection that is causing me to not be able to breathe. However on the bright side, my babe will have all sorts of immunities built up if I keep getting sick! ;)


•Best moment this week?: Finding out we will be able to avoid daycare all together!!!! YESSSSSS!!!!! (I love my father in law!)



•Movement?: Ummm, well I get little quivers that I am pretty sure is baby, but I only feel them every once in a while. I am SO looking forward to feeling little (or big) kicks, and especially when Dave will be able to feel it.


•Food cravings?: I really havent had many lately, which is probably due to this cold and my lack of appetite!


•Labor signs?: None, thank goodness!



•Belly button in or out?: Innie, I am hoping it wont pop, maybe just smooth out and stay flat?


•What I miss: Really...nothing. I am starting to just really be able to enjoy being pregnant. I love knowing I am growing a little person :)



•What I'm looking forward to: Appointment next week, then the gender scan the following week...yay!!!

New title.

Well, I supose Dave and I aren't exactly "newlyweds" anymore, so I decided we needed a new, more permanant title!

We had an ultrasound last week at what was supposed to be 12 weeks...the baby is perfect and measuring 12 weeks 3 days! Each appointment the baby seems to measuring a bit further ahead...Oh boy I am going to have a 10lb babe! The baby looked amazing, moving all around, kicking it's little legs, too cute!

Last Monday Dave and I headed over to South Bend (I actually had a work holiday on the same day as him for once!) And we decided to make a trip to Babies R Us. Well, Dave suggested that we start the registering process since his busy season will be starting soon and we really wont have too many more chances to get out there. So we registered for all of the non gender specific things, and we had so much fun! We spent forever looking at everything and trying strollers and carseats and toys! I cannot believe how fast time seems to be going!

Ok, now for the weekly quiz...


How far along?: 13 weeks 2 days (which apparently means I am in my 14th week...it's all very confusing)

•How big is baby?: Baby Jellybean is the size of a large lemon!


•Maternity clothes?: Yep...

•Stretch marks?: No, ok thats not true. I have one precarius little mark that seems to be a baby strechy...I am hoping I am wrong.

•Sleep?: Meh...the same, up a couple times at night.


•Best moment this week?: Playing with my registry and planning baby purchases! And possibly movement....

•Movement?: Wellll....the other night I was laying flat on the couch (on my back) and I suddenly began to feel a fluttry quivering sensation in my lower abdomen. Maybe baby?

•Food cravings?: Not really any cravings this week, just trying to get myself to eat! I am still sick at night and I get so full so fast that I hardly eat anything!


•Labor signs?: None, and we'd like to keep it that way.


•Belly button in or out?: Innie.

•What I miss: Eating a normal meal!


•What I'm looking forward to: Finding out the sex! I am dying to know!

•Milestone: The "movement"

Oh how He LOVES us.

Cardboard testimonies. Mine?
Lost mom when I was 20, husband diagnosed with Testicular Cancer in our first year of marriage, unsure if we would ever have children. Thought God walked away from me.


Husband is Cancer free, and we are pregnant, God always has a plan!

11 Weeks!

**I will try to get a bump picture up this week**

I apologize for the extreme lack of blogging...however my best friend has unfortunately become the toilet...not cute. I seem to be feeling a bit better these days so the plan is from here on out to blog at least once a week with the happenings of Dave and I and baby Jellybean.


•How far along?: 11 weeks



•How big is baby?: Jelly is the size of a small lime! Holy cow!


•Maternity clothes?: Um...YES. I was going to wait. Really, I was! But the bloat got out of control and now it's getting hard..and gosh darn it I was ready for an elastic waist!


•Stretch marks?: Nope...at least not yet!


•Sleep?: Eh. I am for sure tired all the time but the "sleeping like a rock" thing is kind of out the window for now (and probably forever). I wake up a lot at night and always have to get up at least once or twice to go to the bathroom.

•Best moment this week?: Hmmmmm. Probably getting maternity pants. Thats sad. But stay tuned! Next week will be much more fun in the Jellybean dept.

•Movement?: None that I can feel, but knowing my kid he's doing backflips!


•Food cravings?: Fruit, fruit and more fruit. Strawberries, lemons, kiwi, oranges, grapes...you name it!

•Labor signs?: None, and I would like to keep it that way.



•Belly button in or out?: Innie.

•What I miss: Going to bed at night and not waking up until my alarm goes off. Oh and being able to eat a meal. I usually get halfway through and am STUFFED then in an hour I am ravenous.

•What I'm looking forward to: Our NT scan next Tuesday!


•Milestone: I am starting to feel a bit calmer as my first trimester comes to a close (in a week or so) and the whole not hugging the toilet all day thing is pretty nice!
 
 
As a side note, week before last (at 9 weeks) we had our first appointment and we were able to see Jellybean...it was one of the best moments of my life!
 

The two lines that changed my life...

Yes the Picture is fuzzy....But I am Pregnant!!

Dave and I could not be happier and Panzer...well he is still marinating on the idea. We found out on Monday December 21 and I had blood work done the same day Beta was 43 which is right in the normal range (actually a bit above average) for how early I was. SO today I am right around 6 weeks pregnant, not feeling so hot but also not entirely miserable so I will count my blessings. Now here is my warning: from here on out on this blog I plan to be completely and sometimes brutaly honest about the baby baking process. Because even though it may be ROUGH some days, I don't ever want to forget this...and I want be able to look back and see how far we have come! We told my dad on Christmas day which was so much fun, I had planned on telling Dave's dad and brother on Christmas eve but Dave told them the day we found out, oh well!

To get the ball rolling...my pants? They don't fit. And it is NOT funny. Yes I am perfectly aware that it is bloat and not baby, not that it matters, my pants don't care that it is too early to be this snug.

Daddy's Hands

I have written several times about my mom and how much I love her. But this post, is about someone else.


I remember when I was a little girl my mom would tell me that I would find a man to marry that was like my dad. I often thought to myself that it would not be possible, I couldnt see how anyone could compare. (Dave does but thats another story). You often hear girls reffering to their dad as their hero...mine was more than that. My dad always included me. I was never much into shopping when I was younger so when my sister and my mom would go, my dad would be right there to spend the day with me. And believe you me, I was a talker...yeah yeah I still am. But that poor man endured endless hours of questions and...observations of a 6 year old. I remember feeling very important when we ran errands together or when he let me "help" with his whatever he needed to do that day. I have never forgotten those afternoons, in so many ways they shaped who I have become as an adult. I have a picture of my dad and I when I was about 12 or 13. I was holding a piece of train track for him while he did something in our backyard layout. Everytime I see that picture I think of all of the time he spent showing me how to do things, how he insilled a confidence in me that had helped me immensly in my life.

My dad had always been my safe place. Nomatter what, my father always took care of me, he pushed me gently in the right direction but always let me make my own decisions. After my mom died I spent a lot of time with my dad while Dave was working at night. I dont know if I could have gotten through that time without him. I needed him more then than probably any other time in my life. And he was there. 

Thats the thing about my dad, he is always there.

The Real Story...Part One

It began somewhere just under 5 years ago. I had been "let go" (translate: dumped) by the guy I was "in love" with. Ha. Anyways, my ego was bruised and I was on the lookout for someone to, well, make me feel better about myself. (no matter how long ago...that still sounds awful) So anyways, somewhere around December of 2004 I began...well we could call it dating (but it wasn't) a guy that I barely knew (met through a friend)...who lived across the country. Yeahhh, great idea Shannon. But lets be honest, he was nice to me made me laugh, and in the whole 2 or so months that we talked we never saw each other. Which was really a very good thing because I honestly just was not attracted to this guy, like I said...he was nice to me. Around the time that I was realizing how ridiculous this whole thing was, I began working as a waitress at a local restaurant. I remember the day of my orientation (I watched a video), but I remember walking in to the restaurant, it was almost empty, and out walked one of the managers. At that moment I felt my breath catch in my throat and silently cursed myself for not changing out of my school uniform (read: v-neck sweater, plaid skirt and knee socks). I didn't know what was going on...this flutter that I felt...something entirely different than I had ever felt before.

Then he spoke. He so eloquently told me to "watch the video, let me know when you're done" ahhh yes, he really was the romantic type....
I kept promising myself that I wouldn't get too caught up in feelings for this guy. Though I had told the other guy that it was "over" (not even sure what was there to end), and I was single...I could NOT start dating someone. After all, I was leaving for college that fall and THIS guy, this guy that make my heart pound out of my chest...well...he was at least 8...9...10? years older than me..that was obvious. I was only 19 and was quite sure I didn't want to know how old this guy was, I was happier not knowing. Happy to lust after this older guy. Then it happened, we actually took the leap past innocent work hour flirting, to him asking me out after work. And so it began...


to be continued...

The Bucket List

PS-DAVE IS CLEAR!!!!!!! WAHOOO!


Just a fun list passed along from a friensd...
Put an X next to the things you have done at some point in your life. Feel free to copy and play along on your own blog!

(x) Shot a gun (Once or twice....or every other week...)
(x) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school.
(x) Watched someone die
( ) been to Canada
( ) Been to Alaska
( ) Been to Europe
( ) Been to Las Vegas
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been to Florida For 15 years!
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a cruise ship
( ) Served on a jury (I do listen to inmates whine all day...does that count?)
(x) Been lost
( ) Gone to Washington , DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
(x) Played cowboys/girls and Indians
(x) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t
(x) Made prank phone calls
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose.
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain (played)
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe-
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
(x) Gone snow skiing
(x) Camped out under the stars.
(x) Seen something so beautiful that it took your breath away?
(x) Are or have been Married?
( ) Children?
(x) Have/had a Pet? <--He IS my child!
(x) Been skinny dipping outdoors
(x) Been fishing
(x) Been boating
(x) Been water skiing (and by (BEEN water skiing, I mean I put the skiis on and got drug along behind the boat)
(x) Been hiking
(x) Been camping in a trailer/RV (are we talking wilderness or at our family farm? Whatev, it counts)
(x) Flown in a small 4 seater airplane
( ) Flown in a glider
( ) Been flying in a hot air balloon –
( ) Been bungee-jumping or sky-diving (SOON I hope!!)
(x) Gone to a drive-in movie
( ) Done something that should have killed you <--How about done something that should have made my parents kill me?

Just breathe.

Some days really take it out of you. Nothing big really happened...just a mentally long day. So many thoughts recently...

May....Well the month of May has not proven to bring me much happiness...in fact, twice it has devastated my life. May 21, 2oo6 my Mom passed away, and May 15, 2009 my husband was diagnosed with Cancer. Today, I thought a lot about how those days have impacted my life. How every time I watch Dave walk out the door...I pray that I will have him with me for many years to come. This Thursday we meet with the Oncologist to go over test results to see if Dave is still cancer free, I am praying and praying!! While I do feel as though Dave and I have had a pretty optimistic attitude about things thus far, I also think it is okay that I have a good deal of anxiety over the upcoming appointment. Maybe these 4 month appointments will get easier with time...maybe not. In some ways I think that someone who loses a parent is jaded in a way. I try daily to see the best and tell others that "I am sure everything will be fine" and sometimes I believe it...and sometimes I say it because I feel as though if I tell people that I am scared and fear the future...that I would be giving in. That I would be letting Cancer win. So though I may shed more than a few tears at night by myself...and I may be completely paralyzed with fear from time to time...I will always tell people that we are okay, and we are sure everything is fine. Because that is how I cope, I refuse to give in, I refuse to let Cancer win. Today we are living, today we are well, today we are fine.

One year.

Today I have been married for one year, and I could not be happier with my life! I remember my wedding like it was yesterday, however so much has happened in this past year that it also seems like a lifetime ago. This year we have had career changes, school changes, cancer, sadness, future plans, love, happiness and lots and lots of laughter (and eating....lots of eating). We have again reaffirmed that we will stand by each other no matter what happens...and we will get through it.

I love my husband more today than yesterday and I am sure I will love him more tomorrow than today. This week we are spending a few days at the Sybaris to relax, unwind and just enjoy each other for a while. I will for sure post pictures of our trip when we get back at the end of the week, until then...adios!!