Explaining myself.

I have to start by saying I thank God every single day for my sister. Obviously I have always loved her (my parents told me I had to...KIDDING!!!) But over the last few years, Linds has truly become my very best friend. Sometimes I feel like she is the only person that I don't have to explain myself to...and I cannot begin to explain how thankful I am for that feeling.

Dave and I are trying to conceive. There ya go universe, it's out there, though I may have hinted to it before, now I am saying it. Different people have different goals, or needs in their life, so when someone says "I don't want kids until I am 35, or I don't want kids at all I would rather have a high powered career and focus on that", I don't judge them, that is their decision and I have to assume that they feel that their choices are right for them. So here I am, almost 24 and Dave almost 27, married for a year (this coming Sunday) and we are ready for a child. And I should not have to explain myself...but I will anyways.

A little over 3 years ago I lost my mom to Cancer. Just under 4 months ago my 26 year old husband was diagnosed with Testicular Cancer. NOTHING is guaranteed in life. LIFE is not a guarantee. We were slapped in the face with that reality and I am not interested in waiting around to see whats next. I refuse to wait just because other people think I should be older, or I should finish school, or we should jump through whatever hoop they feel would make us "ready". We weren't "ready" for Dave's diagnosis, we weren't "ready" when my mom passed away, were weren't "ready" when my dad fell out of a tree (a story that deserves it's very own blog entry)...for this, I am ready. In a couple weeks we go to the doctor to have tests run, where they will hopefully tell us Dave is cancer free and we will go on our merry little way, or they could tell us that the cancer is back and now we need to fight. If it is, then we will deal with it, beat it and move on. But the effects of treatment are unknown, Dave may become sterile, or he may just not be able to produce enough due to chemo...we just don't know.

So for today, we are trying to have a baby. Today we are clinging to each other and knowing that tomorrow holds no promises. TODAY, we are content..no, happy.