My heart is heavy on this day that used to be so happy. I was 20 when my mom died. I felt completely cheated, that was almost 3 years ago...and I still feel that way. I thank God for the time that we all had with here...however I am so painfully angry that we didn't have longer. Life was supposed to different. My wedding was supposed to be the most exciting time thus far in my life, she should have been there when I get my engagement ring from Dave, she should have been there to pick out my wedding dress with me...to tell me "now honey, THAT looks beautiful", she should have been with me when I picked out the cake and she should have been there to do my hair the day of the wedding. My mom should have been there when Linds had a question about what to do next...or when she built her beautiful house. She should be there when we have our babies, when we decorate nurseries....she should be there when we have a question about our crying babies at 3 am. She should be HERE.
But she isnt. She is gone. I found that beautiful dress with my wonderful Aunt, I walked down the aisle without her standing there. Lindsay built her house and asked her questions with my amateur advice. We will have children and tell stories and let them watch videos of their Grama, we will go on with our our lives, and we will always wonder what could have been. My heart is breaking today on what would have been her 53rd birthday...
I hurt for my dad who lost the love of his life, his companion of almost 30 years. I hurt for my Aunt who lost her twin, her other half. I hurt for my sister who is so far away from us and needs mom. I hurt for everyone who met her, knew her and lost her. I hurt for myself, for the memories that were yet to be made, for the advice I wont get, I hurt for the part of me that I lost when mom left this world...
Happy Birthday mom...I love you deeply and completely, I miss you with my whole heart.
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